Wednesday, September 5, 2012

One Year.

I rarely post here. I don't really have much to say anymore. I hide my emotions. I have to stay strong for my family. On September 6, 2011, we walked into the hospital for the last time with out precious two year old. It has been a whole year since our last hospital stay during a courageous battle against cancer fought by Katy Kristine. She had surgeries, treatments, and was taken to Philadelphia where her final surgery was performed which ultimately was the most devastating time of our life. It's hard to believe it had been a year. So much has happened in the past year. I started two new jobs, which I love. Anabele turned one. This makes me sad, because I know I will never have another baby. As Abbie is getting older, she has more questions about what happened to Katy. Questions about cancer. We also found out this past summer that my mom has breast cancer. She had surgery to remove the tumor and ended up getting an infection in her incision. She is currently being treated for the infection in the hospital and is waiting to hear back what her next course of treatment will be. Cancer, you will not take another one of my family members! I still can't believe that is has been eleven months since the last time I held Katy. I just keep replaying that last week in my head. I keep replaying those seven months. What could i have done differently? Everyone keeps telling me nothing. But I keep telling myself that I could have done more. Life is confusing sometimes, that's for sure.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Heartbroken, confused, angry

This blog was supposed to be all about Katy. Our journey through beating her cancer. Our time in Philadelphia. Unfortunately, we didn't beat er cancer, and she passed away in October. I haven't really posted here because I have nothing to write about related to her, besides the fact that I miss her more and more everyday.

On Friday I would have been 9 weeks pregnant. Completely unplanned. But we're married. We don't use protection. Today I went to the doctors. No heartbeat. They don't know what caused the miscarriage. And I honestly don't want to know.

Tonight I'll hug my babies a little bit tighter.

Tonight, ill be heartbroken, confused, and angry.